Ugly Kiddie Songs

15 Dec

I was watching the the glass teat the other day and was shown a commercial for some Minipops knock off CD for kids. The formula is familiar: take popular music (in this case Top 40 Hits of the ’60s through ’80s), clean up any lyrics that might be off-putting, then have some overly self-possessed children squeal it all into microphones while cousin Eddie and his band play backup.

This isn’t the commercial in question, but a demonstration of the genre:

I’ve been unable to locate the original commercial in question, but it contained a remake of a certain hit for Jimmy Soul, a hit re-written to tell children to do whatever makes them happy for the rest of their lives. Great message, and I could see some 5-year-old girl falling in love with those happy tones, tucking that song away as a secret method of brightening a bad day, and then hitting fifteen and suddenly encountering the original:

Ugh.

(I found Kris & Scott’s Daily Affirmation ably demolished that festering nugget.)

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